What is in a Name?

How your name shapes who you are!

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet."

This famous line is from Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, as Juliet is speaking to herself, reflecting on the significance of Romeo's name, which is tied to the feud between their families, the Montagues and the Capulets. She argues that a name, in itself, does not affect the essence of a person or thing. The point of this post, however, is to illustrate that our names do have power to shape ourselves and our future. Afterall, had they different last names, their fates would probably have been vastly different, and perhaps they could have fulfilled a happy ending fit for the incredible love that they shared.

The Power of a Name

It was New Years of 2011 where I reclaimed the proper pronunciation of my legal name. My partner and I hosted a party for about 15 of our friends, and during that night, I felt like I transformed my entire being. It was the first time that I felt completely in my power in who I was as a person. As I relished in this newfound confidence in myself, I started to tell my friends about the story of the name(s) I grew up with.

On the first day of kindergarten, my teacher asked me what pronunciation of my name I would prefer, as there are a couple ways you can say it. And instead of speaking up, the girls I just met answered for me with such confidence. The teacher told the girls to let me answer, but as she looked at me to give me a chance to correct them, I just agreed that they were right. Thus, from kindergarten until I graduated University, everyone I knew from school mispronounced my legal name the entire time, and I never bothered to correct anyone. In fact, for a good portion of my life, I forgot what my actual name was, until I was reminded by my godmother who actually named me.

As I was recalling this memory I realized how much of a people-pleaser I actually was as I let my own identity be washed away for the sake of fitting in, and I started to see how this rippled throughout my whole life. I don't think I'm special in this case; I think every child is just trying to figure out who they are as they grow up, and can only do that by the reflection of their surroundings.

During that night with my friends, as I felt this newfound confidence take over me, I declared that I was taking my name back, and from that day on, they shall call me by my legal name. We all celebrated, and another friend even shared a similar experience, and wanted to take back his name also.

I get it, it sounds a little indulgent, but it was significant to me, to us. By reclaiming my name on my own accord, I felt like it was a rebirth. And somehow this change in my name helped in maintaining this confidence for the days and years to come. Now, of course this change in character was not just from reclaiming my name - it was from years of facing and shedding fears, of facing myself, of finding purpose, of being in love with a man that was in love with me just as much - all of it contributed to the woman I was becoming. But claiming my name for some reason, helped make it stick for me. As though by claiming that name, I was able to let go of the people-pleasing girl I grew up to be, and instead I started to embody that confident woman that I was becoming.

The Birth of Amala

This "new me" helped magnetize the studio space that I obtained in the city, the space that ultimately became my urban temple. When I moved into the space, I didn't really have a concrete plan of what I wanted to do; I moved into it because I wanted to share my love for dance, sustainablity, and the art community that I grew to adore so much. I figured that once I was there, I was just going to shape it as I went along - little was I aware that this space was shaping me. As I stayed home alone, coming up with different offerings, I was really just graced with the time and space to understand myself even deeper. I would dance, meditate, reflect, read, find connections, and write about the experiences. The intention of the space was to create a place for community, but it ended up being my Fortress of Solitude. Before Clark Kent truly stepped into becoming Superman, he had to train in the Fortress of Solitude, the last piece of Krypton that his father sent to Earth to help guide him towards his mission on the Planet. Without this time and training, he wouldn't have become equipped to fuse his human upbringing with his Kryptonian legacy stirring inside his blood, and thus wouldn't have become the Superman that the world needed.

Now I'm not saying I'm Superman, but we all have an inner Hero that is stirring within us, and it's only until we truly face ourselves and understand who we are that can we fully step into our potential. I moved into that space thinking I already peaked in my potential, but looking back, it was actually preparing me to really understand who I am and what I want to do with the life I've been given.

One night, as I danced the night away alone, I had the most intense sensation come through me. When I dance, especially when I dance alone or even at an Ecstatic Dance, it becomes a meditative experience. I allow my mind to just shut off, and I tune into my body, and as it moves, I am able to move into a more primitive and raw state. The movements also helps clear my mind - instead of my mind scrambling to put things together, everything seems to makes sense effortlessly. During this one particular dance, I tranced out so much, that something inside me started to well-up, like an energy getting bigger inside of me and pouring out everywhere. It wasn't painful at all, it was actually quite orgasmic, and I could feel it come through my heart.

The feeling was so intense that I could feel waves of emotion and tears started to fill my eyes. I started to harmonize with the music vocally, and I let whatever sounds come through me, being pulled by the music. This practice for me is very much like dance, where I would just let my voice hook on to a melody or note, and the music then starts to intuitively pull sound out through me. As I was harmonizing with the song, there were 3 syllables that I kept repeating over and over - "Ah, Ma, La, Ah, Ma, La, Ah, Ma, La". I kept repeating this syllables instinctively; I didn't understand why, it just started to come through me, and intensified with every beat. In the midst of this intense sensation and meditation, for some reason I was compelled to run to my washroom, which was lit with candlelight. I remember holding on the to sink to help ground me, then looking up into the mirror - I looked myself straight in the eye, and uttered the three syllables "Ah-Ma-La!" and as I did I started to cry. I realized in that moment, my soul name birthed through me, as I looked at my reflection and saw my spirit reflected back, all of which was confirmed through the sincerity of my tears and the chills that I was feeling. And that was the night Amala was born.

I never heard the name Amala in my life before that night, but I looked it up the next day, and it was actually a name that means purity, hope, and grace across different cultures. From that moment on, I knew my spirit name was birthed through me; I felt so grateful to have been blessed with that experience, and at the same time, I feel a responbility to fulfill the potential that this name means to me.

After many years back in my hometown, in the home that I grew up in, trying to fit into the society and culture here, I have noticed that I've reverted back to my old self - it started with old lifestyle habits and mindsets, and this has led to my body deteriorating, and me forgetting everything that I've learned through my spiritual awakening all those years ago. I have reverted back to a teenage me, and let me tell you, it's not as cute as a full-grown adult. My ego for whatever reason, reverts back to this shell of a person, thinking that it is what everyone around me is comfortable with, but the truth is, not being authentically who I really am is the most uncomfortable feeling, and everyone can feel it. In order to truly put this project out, or even step into the future that I envision, I need to allow myself to embody that spirit that's inside of me.

As I embark on this mission that I set out for myself all those years ago, after years of forgetting and putting it aside, my intention is to finally embody Amala, the spirit that danced through me that night, the spirit that helped me find the confidence and the mission in my life. Because your name does matter, and when you can find the aspect of your name that calls to your mission the most, it helps you step into your internal power to become who you need to be to fulfill your dreams.

Do you know what your name means? Who named you, and what what their reason? Are you named after a significant person in your family lineage, and are you exuding the same strengths and characteristics cherished by your family? Let this be an invitation for you to really take the time to understand the name that you are gifted with, or to fully embody a new name that you've been gravitated to.

To help myself and others honour their names and to step into the potential their names hold, I have created the JEMM entitled "What is in a Name". In this JEMM, particpants are to embody their inner Hero, and dance to honour the name associated to that Archetype. Clark Kent was Superman, Diana Prince was Wonderwoman - all these superheroes used different names to separate their regular lives with their hero lives. The invitation for this JEMM is to recognize the meaning of your name, and to annoint the Hero inside of you so that you may find the newfound courage, confidence and personality needed to embody the hero you strive to be in your life!